it's not about me, really.

We had our first open house today. Silly me, I thought it was a "brokers' preview," where the brokers come without clients to preview the property before it's officially shown to the public. But I must have interpreted wrong, because it was brokers bringing potential buyers. Which is okay, I guess, except that I had hoped the tile work and painting would be done in the bathroom before people started viewing it.

Our agent said the response was good, overall. One man is coming back at 5pm this evening with his wife. I wasn't here. I had planned not to be here, but I find that it's more than just considering whether people want the owner hanging around while they're looking. (I felt a little imposed upon if the owner was in the house when we were looking at properties.) I guess I just can't handle seeing people milling around our home making evaluations.

I don't know why this is so hard for me. It's just an apartment, and without our stuff in it it won't be our home anymore. (Except for the kitchen, which I designed and feel real ownership of. I wish I could take it with me. Irrational. I designed the wall layout, too, and I don't feel like I want to take the walls...)

I guess it's about looking forward instead of looking back. This looking back is new to me because when I was younger I never looked back. Not that there was anything much to look back to... when I went to college my parents divorced and sold the house, and I didn't have any childhood friends or lovers keeping me where I was, so I was always looking forward. It's a matter of changing perspective, is all.

Change is good. Change is good. Change is good.