in the matrix

So I started making this decision matrix yesterday... it ended up being more a stream-of-consciousness plot of boxes and arrows than an actual decision matrix, but the determining question emerged: "Can we have a similar lifestyle less expensively somewhere else?"

You see, if we decide to have another child we can't stay here. Which is too bad, because we both like where we live. In fact, I've lived in this apartment longer than any other home I've had in my entire life, so you can see why I might be a little bit attached to it. But I was a single person when I bought it and while it adapted to accommodate two, and then three, without a problem, I think trying to shoehorn four people into this space won't be good for anybody.

So where do we look for a new home? I've lived in NYC for 16 years. My husband has been here over 20. Our first inclination was to look for someplace in another Brooklyn neighborhood where we could expand a little but still attend our current church, visit our friends and Steve could still have a reasonable commute to work. It is becoming quickly apparent, however, that this isn't a viable option. We can't afford anything worth relocating to. We're getting priced out of our own borough.

So then we have to consider moving out of New York. It would be terrific to live in a state with lower taxes... but my husband would have to find another job, and where should we look for a job and a house? It would be a disaster to find out that we've moved to a community where we have nothing in common with anyone! So I'm going to describe a little bit about us and ask for suggestions.

My husband and I are both entering our 40s (well, he's already there, and I'll be 40 this year). We have one 22-month old son and are entertaining the idea of a second child, so in a way we're a young family, even if that's not in terms of years. We've been spoiled by years of living in NYC where when you need to pick up milk or sodas or a sandwich there's a deli on the corner of your block, and if you don't feel like cooking dinner you can always walk to a terrific restaurant. One thing about New York, you can find ANYTHING here. And chances are it isn't even far from where you live.

We do not own a car and haven't for 20 years between us, but I expect that'll change if we move out of the city. We both have valid driver's licenses, even if we only use them once or twice a year... but we still want a stroller- and bike-friendly community. We're moderate-to-liberal Christians (Episcopalians). My husband is a vestry member and I sing in the parish choir. For two years before my son was born I coordinated the silent auction for the parish winter fair (I don't miss doing that, though!), I'm a member of the altar guild and I am preparing for Stephen Ministry training. I just agreed to serve my third term on the board of directors of our co-op. We're political moderates and don't vote a party line.

I don't believe in travel-sports. I want to encourage my children to pursue their interests but I don't want to encourage hyper-competitiveness. I want to raise them in an environment where I can nurture their creativity, imagination and inquisitiveness. I don't want them to grow up in a place where the only activities for kids to do on weekends are going to the movies and cruising the mega-mall. Or getting drunk or high, God forbid. I don't want to sound like a hypocrite, because I tried pot a few times when I was young, but I didn't like it and I don't want to take the chance that my children might. I want good schools, with motivating teachers, a multi-cultural student body and plenty of (supervised) extracurricular opportunites -- sports, clubs, stuff like that.

So what do you think? Are we looking for a 21st-century Grover's Corners? Or are we just still in the matrix?