shudder

I finished another of those books I picked up -- when was it, two weeks ago ? And boy, let me tell you, I don't know why I kept reading it... but I had to see what happened next. Even when what happened next was something I'd rather not think about.

The book was Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk. It's a collection of the ugliest, most despicable, depraved, gruesome stories I've ever read. There's not one hero in this book, no one that you want to identify with (and God help you if you do). Some of the characters are pawns, and some are villains, but all of them are irreparably damaged. It's a book about the kind of fascination that makes people rubberneck traffic accidents on the freeway. I suppose it's why people pay money to see slasher movies (I've never had any desire to do that, so I can only surmise). It's why "if it bleeds, it leads" in the news media. It's about our fascination with the gruesome.

The first story left me feeling disgusted. One halfway through the book made me want to howl in anguish (I put the book down for a while after that one). After a number of these it makes you numb. There were passages that were so graphic that I couldn't read every word, it made me so uncomfortable. Squeamish. Despairing. It's probably some kind of masterpiece. I'm just not qualified to say how.

There's a picture of the author on the back inside flap of the book jacket. He looks like a pretty nice guy -- sort of handsome, intelligent looking. And how he could conceive of the things he writes in this book almost escapes me... except I know that somewhere in the world somebody did something similar, otherwise these stories wouldn't have the power that they do.

It made me want to grab my little boy and pull the bed covers over both our heads and make a safe place -- that safe place where you used to retreat as a kid when things got overwhelming. It made me want to pray that none of that kind of horrible stuff will ever touch my family -- prayer being no guarantee but that doesn't stop you from praying anyway.

As a parent, what makes me very sad when I think about stuff like this is that we were all born pure, innocent and helpless. And you can either nurture that innocence and helplessness, or you can exploit it, corrupt it, destroy it. That creates other people who do despicable things. But once upon a time, they were as trusting and innocent as my son...

I don't have any answers. Neither does this book. Next time I go to the bookstore I guess I'll look for Eats, Shoots and Leaves...